Adapt To Survive

So here I am again, back in Wales and working in retail. I'm still not quite in a position to be able to intern, or even move out of my parents' house, as I am yet to find a landlord willing to accept dreams and smiles as rent payment, so I'm doing what I can until my career gets back on track, and oddly, I'm enjoying it. 

However, although it's a lot less pressure and I feel as though I can just 'be' for a while, I still get regular panics about steering too far off course from my career. Not to get too poetic about it, but I often feel like the world is moving so quickly, and I'm standing still. As if I'm trying to catch up, to succeed, but not being quite being fast enough. As soon I am in a position to jump back on to my career path, who's to say there won't be another 500 younger, more experienced people running along the same track as me, running towards the same goal? 

It's these thoughts that have been taunting me in my sleep. And as many of you know, I like my sleep. 

What's worse is that being back here, I often run into people who I knew when I was younger, people who haven't seen me in years, family friends, people I went to school with, teachers even, and they are all so excited to know what I'm up to and how I'm doing. Which usually results in this exact reaction - 

Whilst at university I wanted to get as much professional experience as possible, to experiment, to  try everything, to show that I'm adaptable, an all-rounder, this, some how, has turned out to be a hindrance. Rather than commend me on my confidence to throw myself into any given situation and my adaptability, it appears that employers think of me as not "specialised" enough and recruiters say my job search is "too broad". Again, fresh out of uni people, I doubt many people in my position could say they are "specialised" in anything, besides mixing drinks and still making it to 9am lecture the next day.

In the run up to Christmas I'm really looking forward to being at home and being around my family, regardless of where my life is heading, there are certain things that will never change and for that, I am thankful. I still  aim to pursue my desired career in any way I can and search for a creative outlet. Although I may not update this blog as much as I would like to, I am constantly writing and am still certain that I will get there, some how and at some point. 

Working in a department store may not be my ideal career but  it's had a remarkably positive effect on my outlook on life. I've strangely enjoyed the long hours, the bitterly cold early mornings. I've loved having responsibility and have become determined to do well, to impress and work to the best of my ability. It has shown me that, although it may not be where my heart is set, I can still put my mind to success, to achieving something. Knowing how strong and resilient my own ambition is, has been very encouraging and has settled my anxieties about my future.

I'll be just fine...

Long Distance

"Missing someone gets easier each day because even though you're one day further from the last time you saw them, you're one day closer to seeing them again."

We need to talk. Look, this long distance relationship with London... it's.... it's not working. I need at least a brief conjugal visit soon. Very soon. I can't take the sleepless nights of frustration that I'm not there, I can't take my constant state of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), is it missing me as much as I'm missing it? How long til I see it again?!

Ok so I might be being slightly dramatic about all of this, I am having a rather wonderful time at home and even if I do spend most of my time wishing I was elsewhere, I've made peace with the fact that this is where I am, and this is where I have to be. And I have to say, it's really not as bad as I thought it was going to be. Living with my parents isn't as challenging as I'd expected, my social life hasn't taken the nosedive I'd anticipated and there is the added bonus of every day life being affordable, instead of the luxury that it seemed whilst living in London.

It may be because I genuinely feel like I'm just visiting and I'll be back in London a few days. Back with my friends going to G-A-Y Late  from job to job looking for some remnants of stability. Especially with the run up to Christmas, it feels like I'm on my annual (albeit extended) Christmas visit home, regardless of it only being November.

There are a couple of jobs in the pipeline for me, but as of yet, nothing is concrete and the novelty of having so much free time has already worn thin. Especially with the constant erosion of my patience when I see the type of people who do have jobs, or at least, are getting jobs. I see people in retail or other customer service roles for example, who are as miserable as sin, completely unhappy to help and seem to not know anything about their job or their workplace. And God forbid you ask them something related to another department "I don't know, that's not my department, ask someone else." The notion of  "Service with a smile" has seemingly been completely eradicated, as has the hiring of anyone with an IQ level in double figures. And yet here I am, a sensible, articulate, reasonably intelligent, graduate who's eager to not only work, but to succeed, and I'm the one living on a tight budget while the dumb and the careless are laughing all the way to the bank! Are you honestly trying to tell me that I'm suddenly on the same level as the zombies with impossibly strong accents that I'm forced to be surrounded by every fortnight at Job Centre Plus? If so, kill me now. And that's not snobbery talking, it's genuinely upsetting to me that after working towards a bright future for my entire adolescence to avoid this exact situation that I'm in, I am now sociologically on par with the JC regulars.

Also, I know that I'm not reaching above my means, I'm applying for jobs that I not only know I can do, but jobs I know I can do well. Many places have labelled me "too inexperienced" and yet no one seems to be willing to give me any experience. And yes, I am a little inexperienced because I am fresh out of university afterall! Excuse me for getting an education. Also, why did you bother wasting both of our times in inviting me to an interview, then only to turn me down for being "too inexperienced" when you'd already seen my CV which includes my entire professional experience?! UUGH!! I despair.

As you may have detected... there is a slight hint of bitterness in my writing, but I've had many a "Why did I even bother?" moment this month. Nevertheless, I am still, somehow, optimistic. I've always been ambitious, I very rarely doubt myself, and that is something that will aid me in succeeding in life... it's got me this far!... Oh... wait...

Suburgatory

So after four years, I have left London. Due to financial reasons (or rather, a lack of finances) I have returned to south Wales as a 22 year-old graduate and am currently living with my parents again.

As I'm writing this, I've been back a grand total of 11 days. There are people I already miss, not to mention my independence, the convenience of  London life, the convenience of transport and definitely the night life. However, there's something oddly comforting about being around my family again, who I feel that I've somewhat neglected since I moved away from home aged 18. I seem to have reverted back to my 18 year-old self. It's as if my life in London was a dream. I'm older, not vastly wiser, and yet I feel that nothing has changed since I left. I'm still looking for a job, I have the same friends and often rely on friends and family members for the occasional lift (it goes without saying that not being able to drive in London isn't an issue, in the valleys on the other hand, getting around isn't quite as straightforward as I've become accustomed to).

When I was in the process of leaving London, I was in a cocktail of mixed emotions. Sad to be leaving the life that I had single-handedly carved out for myself, the friends I had made, the places I frequented, but then I was so looking forward to having a weight lifted off my shoulders. That being, the weight of ridiculously pricey rent, bills, council tax, transport etc. Even with a wage, I was left with very little at the end of each month. I wanted to be able save money and actually LIVE. Be able to save for a holiday, a new computer, driving lessons perhaps, basically afford to actually do nice things, and have what I considered to be a "normal" life, as opposed to the heightened reality that people in London seem to be floating around in.

I have my daily panics of "Oh my God what am I going to do with my life? What about my career? What career do I even want?" But for now, I need to gather my thoughts, get my head together and just figure out what it is exactly I want to do with my life and how I'm going to do it.

It was hard to leave London, that break-up wasn't easy. But we remain good friends and I'll be visiting regularly (I have a plethora of couches to crash on with thanks to some very understanding friends) so maybe it isn't a break up at all... perhaps we're on a 'break'.



Yes I'll have my days when I'm sobbing uncontrollably in the corner of my room while I repeatedly blast Lily Allen's "LDN", and I've already had days when I've felt like a complete failure at life and I've spent an innumerable amount of hours blobbed out in front of the Food Network. But I know moving home will be good for me and that it's the logical thing to do, in the long run.

So to keep me sane (and you entertained) I've decided to document what will undoubtedly be an interesting time in my life. Adjusting to living with my parents again, and in the countryside that I grew up in after four years of living in one of the busiest cities in the world. I will be frank and I will be brutally honest, just think of it as being similar to that TV show 'Suburgatory'... but y'know... funnier.

For more updates on how hilarious my life is, be sure to follow me on twitter! - @JackDMurphy

The xx - Sunset

I saw you again, it felt like we had never met

It's like the sun set in your eyes and never wanted to rise

And what have you done with the one I love?

When I look into your eyes, I see no surprise

I always thought it was sad

The way we act like strangers

After all that we had

We act like we had never met

We make believe, I've never seen your face, you neither mine

And catch my eye, don't register a smile

You were more than just a friend, oh but the feeling

It never came to an end, I can't bear to see you

I always thought it was a shame

That we have to play these games

It felt like you really knew me

Now it feels like you see through me

When I see you again

I'll know not to expect

Stay one step away

We will have to wait

When I see you again

And I'm greeted as a friend

It is understood

That we did all we could

I always thought it was sad

The way we act like strangers

After all that we had

We act like we had never met

I always thought it was a shame

That we have to play these games

It felt like you really knew me

Now it feels like you see through me.

OBEY X Keith Haring

OBEY X Keith Haring at Urban Outfitters. I want.

Check out the promo video here.

B.I.Y. (Bleach It Yourself)

£30+ for a pair of bleached shorts?! No thank you high street shops! 

Here's my £8 Primark skinny jeans (women's size 10 ) that I cut, ripped, folded and bleached myself! Not rocket science, I know, just thought I'd share it with you guys.

So I started by making an incision with some scissors above the knee, I then ripped all the way around and cut the inseam until the shorts were at my desired length (the ripping was so I could get a jagged, tattered edge, but if you'd rather a smooth hem, then it's quite easy to sew them or you could try to cut them very carefully!)

Then, I stuffed the shorts with newspaper and laid them onto a bin liner - and here's why - you definitely don't want to get bleach all over your floor and you certainly don't want the pattern you make on the front of the shorts to sink through the fabric and mess up the pattern you've made on the back! So the newspaper helps absorb the bleach and keeps both sides of the jeans separate when drying.

Then start gently squirting the bleach onto the shorts. Be strategic about the pattern you're making - don't do too many (or any) horizontal lines as they will widen your hips and thighs! Try to get vertical lines (elongating & slimming) and some messy blotches on there for a really careless and worn look. You can even make some lines heavier and brighter and some a little more faded by putting on more or less bleach. Be careful not to bleach the clothes your wearing and I recommend wearing gloves, if not, just wash your hand thoroughly afterwards!

I messed up a little on the left leg (got a bit carried away) bit kinda looks like a horse rearing up on its hind legs don't you think? Anyway, the good thing is, you can always add to it and change the pattern you make! 

Oh, and the coolest thing is, the colour starts developing immediately! So you can stand there and watch your pattern get brighter and brighter!.......... I need a life, I know.

Before... just in case you didn't know what a pair of jeans looked like.

Creativity in the Capital

I've just read the latest issue of Dazed & Confused which included some features on artists, designers, directors and other creative minds who reside and/or work in east London and their views on the future of the creative hub and talent breeding ground. It was interesting to read their concerns about east London becoming more and more commercialised, many of them reminiscing about the early Shoreditch/Stepney scene which has since moved further east to Dalston and parts of Hackney. Their main concern it seems is - if east London is dead - where do they go from here?

In the late 20th century, it was West London that was seen as the blossoming creative neighbourhood. Soon the masses caught wind of this, property prices sky rocketed and the creatives flocked eastwards. Post-2012 Olympics, will east London go back to being a quietly bubbling haven for bohemians? Or will it erupt in the burst of capitalism and generic commercialisation that has infected west London? If the same thing is happening again, where is there to go from here? North? South? Or will the new young talents be forced to leave London altogether?


No matter the decade, no matter the latest fashion/social/cultural trends, there is always a need, a compulsion, for some people to have a creative space, whether it is to live or work in. Location isn't a priority so long as there is a scene and like-minded people. There are so many stories about squats, communes, warehouses that were full to the brim with creative minds, exploring their own and each other's ideas. Is the expansion of Stratford city threatening to bring those days to an end? Some say east London is dead, some argue that it needs to be saved before it's too late! Either way, creative minds need creative spaces.

This has got me thinking about my own creativity and how I aim to nurture it, use it effectively and to my advantage. As I approach my graduation from the London College of Fashion, I am constantly being asked what I'm going to do next, and frankly, like many of my classmates, I don't have much of an idea.

What I do know is that I need to be a lot more forthright with putting my ideas across. I often get precious about my ideas, embarrassed even, and then, I will see something that I thought of months ago (but never vocalised) being wildly successful and I'm determined to never let that happen again. It is often said that no idea is a bad idea, so I need to stop being so proud, stop doubting myself, and start putting wheels into motion towards a future as a prolific and successful creative mind.

With this in mind I have just finished reading "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron, a guide to discovering and recovering your creative self, which was recommended by none other than Martin Scorsese himself, a big hero of mine! Although not all of this book was, I felt, relevant to me (it was a tad... 'preachy' at times, verging a bit too much on 'self-help') there are many helpful exercises and some really great advice. Notably, some bullet points that I aim to follow about freeing yourself from creative constriction -

• Stop telling yourself "It's too late." 
• Stop waiting to make enough money to do something you'd really love.
• Stop telling yourself "It's just my ego" whenever you yearn for a more creative life.
• Stop telling yourself that dreams don't matter, that they are only dreams and that you should be more sensible.
• Stop fearing that your family and friends would think your crazy.
• Stop telling yourself that creativity is a luxury and that you should be grateful for what you've got.   

In short, embrace, nurture and express your ideas, before someone else does! So that's my mantra for next decade or so at least! Other good reads for this kind of material include - 

• Damn Good Advice (For people with talent) by George Lois
• Brutal Simplicity of Thought by Lord Saatchi
• Everything Paul Arden has ever written.

Onwards and upwards!

x

Acne A/W 2012

I've been really feeling colour this season (a rarity for me) but have been somewhat let down by the collections as most of the colour that has been seen have been in bold prints and patterns when I was hoping for plain, stark, colour blocking. Someone at Acne heard my prayers.